It is fascinating to me how time flies by. I feel as if Valentines was 3 weeks ago and here it is close to the 4th of July. It goes by so quickly and often times we take so much for granted.
Our life is running as normal. I recently switched positions at work and it is challenging....to an extent. I like being busy and I like the positive feedback that I get from it. It is definitely giving me an outlook on life that I thought I would never have before. It is morbid but also so calm for some people. Death for a lot of people is welcomed, so to say. At this age I never think about it, only because I feel as if I haven't experienced enough yet. Yet, there are so many others who only live for hours on this earth, knowing nothing but love and compassion and that is so beautiful.
We've, well mainly I, have had baby on the brain for a couple of months now. I always knew I was going to get married at a young age but I didn't think about kids. But after we got married that instinct almost came on instantly. The maternal clock starts ticking and is just waiting for the prime time. When Joe and I started dating he always has told me that he always has seen himself having a little girl first. I thought having a boy was ideal because then our second would be a girl and she would have someone to stand up for her, but the more I thought about it I felt it too. I don't know if it is because he has brain washed me or what, but all I can think about is her. We've picked out a name, which I won't reveal just yet, and sometimes when I just sit and ponder or am scrolling through pinterest looking at all the precious baby girl things I can almost feel her. I can feel her sweet spirit running around and stirring in my heart. We long for her so badly, but know that in God's perfect timing and if it is His will she will come. I have a lot of friends who are currently expecting and it is so fun watching them turn from young women, like me, into mature women who are not only women but become super hero's as well. I think about the uncomfortableness of the first few months and can only imagine how they endure, yet they still manage with smiles on there faces, most of the time. That God given maternal instinct is so amazing to me. I've written our little girl a letter already even though she isn't stirring in my womb yet, she is stirring in my heart. I feel so much peace and so much love for her already. I want her life to be as close to perfect as it can get.
I am a diabetic and recently met with my doctor and expressed our thoughts on having a child and my world was turned upside down again. I didn't know of all the dangers that precious life has if I am not in prime condition. I had to go get some labs done and am eagerly waiting to hear the results on Wednesday when I talk to my doctor. I guess the worst thing that can happen is tell me that I have to change my habits. And if it means having a perfect little angel I am definitely willing to sacrifice almost anything.
It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it....
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